We started off with 4 brave souls, we peaked at 9 and ended with 3. There were 26 stops including Stowe and Northampton! This is the story of the MK Monopoly Pub Crawl.
STOP 1 - DENBIGH SCHOOL
Transport method - Meeting point
Venue - Outside Denbigh School, Shenley Church End
You would think that the first stop would at least go to plan. It could barely have gone any worse. As well as being late, Prent and Jabs forget to pick Dave and Chris up. Well, technically you can't forget if you never actually had any knowledge of the instruction as (technophobe) Jabs admits he hasn't read any of his e-mails for 2 weeks. Prent's constantly (and incorrectly) referring to us going to Bedford during the pub crawl also suggests the finer details of the arrangements have eluded him. They turn up with no beer and bang on the doors of the Sportsmans Rest pub, expecting it to be open and serving beer at 8am.
Having been briefed on the need to bring their own beer they quickly run to Sainsbury's and 2 mins later they are armed with the cheapest beers money can buy.
Knowing what lies ahead Dave eases himself in gently with a Malibu and Pineapple, surprisingly rather than getting abuse for his choice of drink he is shocked to hear Chris actually gutted that he didn't get any himself,
So already around 20mins behind schedule we neck our drinks set off for Northampton.
Having been briefed on the need to bring their own beer they quickly run to Sainsbury's and 2 mins later they are armed with the cheapest beers money can buy.
Knowing what lies ahead Dave eases himself in gently with a Malibu and Pineapple, surprisingly rather than getting abuse for his choice of drink he is shocked to hear Chris actually gutted that he didn't get any himself,
So already around 20mins behind schedule we neck our drinks set off for Northampton.
STOP 2 - IMAGE MAGAZINES
Venue - Outside Image Magazines, Northampton
So it turns out you don't even have to be based in MK to appear on the MK Monopoly board, Somehow Image Magazines in Northampton have managed to get themselves onto the board, meaning a lengthy trip to south Northampton to tick this one off.
Public transport is not possible given the time restrictions, so unfortunately a car is needed to get to this one, which isn't really in the spirit of a pub crawl, but necessary on this occasion.
The rain that was forecast arrives, but thankfully just a light drizzle, meaning Chris and Prent don't look too stupid in shorts.
The rain that was forecast arrives, but thankfully just a light drizzle, meaning Chris and Prent don't look too stupid in shorts.
There is no pub in the immediate vicinity and even if there was, it wouldn't be serving beer this early, so we drink our own supplies. Yes, we really did drive 20 miles to drink a can of beer in a car park and then drive off again - not the most popular stop on the route. Dave's preparations by drinking 2 pints of water prior to the pub crawl and on per stop backfire as his bladder gives in and we have stop at the petrol station early doors.
STOP 3 - NATIONAL TRUST STOWE
Transport method - Car
Venue - Outside Stowe National trust
The 2nd and (thankfully) final stop outside MK takes us to Stowe. Again, such a journey means car is the only option here. Prent raises concerns of just how many stops is he having to drive to - thankfully this is the last. We drive through Buckingham and pass up the opportunity to buy jam from a market stall and listen to a live band and head to Stowe National Trust. Surely the first time anyone has included Stowe National Trust on a pub crawl.
So the last of our own supplies was drunk, which is a relief to Jabs and Prent who wish they had parted with a few more pennies when choosing their choice of beer, whose taste reflects the price they paid for it.
The advantage of these crap stops with no actual pub is that we are making up lost time on the first stop and are nearly back on schedule.
The advantage of these crap stops with no actual pub is that we are making up lost time on the first stop and are nearly back on schedule.
STOP 4 - KINGSTON CENTRE
Transport method - Car / Walk
Venue - Frankie & Bennys, Kingston
We ditch the cars at Prent's house in Monkston and take a short walk to the Kingston District Centre where we can finally order a beer in the Mexican Restaurant Chiquitos. Except we can't as they don't serve beer until midday, a good hour away. Facing the prospect of buying more cheap beers from nearby Tescos we are rescued by Frankie & Bennys. The guy behind the bar even serves us 10mins before he is legally allowed to (apologies if this admission subsequently leads to his sacking).
With fast food an absolute necessity, a trip to McDonalds is co-ordinated and we take liberties by eating them on the tables of Frankie & Bennys. An actual beer we have purchased in an establishment and eating McDonalds....it's starting to feel like proper pub crawl now.
STOP 5 - MK NEWS MK WEB
Venue - Harvester, Fox Milne
We use the bus for the one and only time in the day just up the road to Fox Milne to the Harvester, next to the MK News offices. With none of the group having used a bus for years this is a potential banana skin in the trip, with no real clue of where or when to catch it.
Amazingly the bus rolls up just as we arrive. We pile on and get to where we need to be with a minimum of fuss!
Dave's tactic of a water at each stop has gone awry as he discovers he has left his water bottle at the last stop. He did redeem himself by remembering Jabs's umbrella though that he was about to leave behind. There is no time to debate on whether buying a beer allows you the free salad bar at Harvester as having got back on schedule we need to move on.
Amazingly the bus rolls up just as we arrive. We pile on and get to where we need to be with a minimum of fuss!
Dave's tactic of a water at each stop has gone awry as he discovers he has left his water bottle at the last stop. He did redeem himself by remembering Jabs's umbrella though that he was about to leave behind. There is no time to debate on whether buying a beer allows you the free salad bar at Harvester as having got back on schedule we need to move on.
STOP 6 - WILLEN LAKE
Venue - The Lakeside, Willen
Did I mention we were back on schedule? Well that lasted all of one stop. We take a longer than expected walk to Lakeside at Willen, after following Chris, who then admits he has no idea where he is going. Prent suggests cutting through thick bushes to the path on the other side. Wisely we choose to use the slight 30 second detour round the bushes.
We are joined by Prentice Jnr and 2 friends who appear to have a collective 42p between them and are therefore draining Prent's funds dramatically.
STOP 7 - GULLIVERS
Venue - The Barge, Woolstone
Next pub is a nice venue in Woolstone. Prent controversially asks for a Tequila, a brave choice for a 26 stop pub crawl as pointed out by the barmaid, With no Tequila available, Prent has the choice of ordering a 'normal' drink, but undeterred, he settles for a Havana Club. Amusingly someone comes up to a bemused Jabs and says they recognise him from the Eager Poet, despite the fact he has never been there in his life.
STOP 8 - MK MUSEUM
Venue - Herald Snooker Club
Across from the MK Museum is the Herald Snooker Club. Not the sort of venue you would want to visit later in the evening, having been nicknamed "Fight Club" by some of the group. It is too far to walk and with buses not an option, we need a taxi to get there.
Prent finding the same quiz machine as the last stop is the highlight here, although considering where we are we should be thankful it is not more 'livlier', But seeing as the first rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club, I had better leave it there.
Prent finding the same quiz machine as the last stop is the highlight here, although considering where we are we should be thankful it is not more 'livlier', But seeing as the first rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club, I had better leave it there.
STOP 9 - WOLVERTON STATION
Venue - The North Western, Wolverton
Another pub with a rough reputation, confirmed by a google search prior to the crawl, which immediately brought up an article of a man suffering a serious stab injury here. We walk through Wolverton which brings much amusement to Chris as he noticed strange storage cupboards in walls. Amazingly these look like they are still being used, even though the doors are hanging off them.
We bump into an old friend on the way and he kindly points us in the direction of the pub. Dave wonders why his comment that we will put our drinks on his tab gets a strange response from our friend. Jabs later tells Dave that he is a recovering alcoholic. It is easily the busiest pub so far and Chris feels at home as he spots a White Hart Lane sign above the bar. He even manages to get a Gooner in the picture with it.
STOP 10 - MILTON KEYNES STATION
Transport method - Taxi
Venue - La Hind Indian Restaurant
First major change to the itinery. We miss the train from Wolverton to Fenny Stratford, so opt to go to the MK Train Station instead of heading to Fenny. We bring Wolverton high street to a standstill as the Taxi waits for us on the main road, bringing beeps from several cars. La Hind Indian Restaurant is the nearest establishment to the train station that serves alcohol. But with the atmosphere of a library it is not a venue that will be remembered. It does have an amusing bicycle outside though that Jabs gets on though.
STOP 11 - PLANET ICE MILTON KEYNES
Venue - Planet Ice Bar, Central Milton Keynes
Shortest walk so far, to the Ice Skating Rink. Dave's earlier prediction that the worst of the weather will be before 1pm is less than deadly accurate as rain is now hammering it down. With a lot more walking still to do it does throw the pub crawl into jeopardy. Not for the first time a clearly struggling Jabs suggests packing it in. With much more expensive shorts being preferred to half pints, Prent calculates that the kitty will be short by £2,462 if we carry on at this rate. Prent's funds have taken a battering having to heavily subsidising the youngsters and spirits are low in the group.
But the chance to become immortal as the first to complete the MK Monopoly pub crawl spurs us on. The barman at Planet Ice rivals Dave for the most stupid comment of the day by asking us if we wanted "fresh" or "frozen ice" with our drinks WTF???
But the chance to become immortal as the first to complete the MK Monopoly pub crawl spurs us on. The barman at Planet Ice rivals Dave for the most stupid comment of the day by asking us if we wanted "fresh" or "frozen ice" with our drinks WTF???
STOP 12 - DAYTONA MK
Venue - Daytona Bar, Rooksley
With the rain hammering it down we get a taxi to Daytona. The group has split with the youngsters having gone to McDonalds as they have not eaten today. A wise move considering one of the group has already had to employ a tactical chunder, Never a good thing, especially with a beard like his.
The 'bar' is more like a few spirit bottles behind a counter, but it does the the job.
We get them to 'open' the bar, neck a shot of straight JD and flee back to the taxi who is waiting for us to move onto the next stop. We save time and look like proper blokes in the process.
STOP 13 - NATIONAL BADMINTON CENTRE
Venue - Kam Tong Gardens, Great Holm
There is a bar at the Badminton Centre, but with it being shut at weekends we have to settle for the Kam Tong Gardens. A walkable venue, but not in this rain. Bloody Kam Tong throws a spanner in the works by having the audacity to shut for a few hours.
We make up the beer at the next stop,
STOP 14 - MIDSUMMER BOULEVARD
Transport method - TaxI
Venue - Wetherspoons, Central Milton Keynes
The pub crawl enters a good phase. Short distances to cover, decent venues and it has even stopped raining. The group has also unexpectedly got bigger as Rikki has joined us after following out exploits on Facebook. He is never going to catch up drinks wise, but he attempts to bridge the gap by drinking pints.
With the group back in high spirits Dave gives a rousing speech to the group, mimicking Steven Gerrard's speech last season, and declares "We don't let it slip", seconds later he duly falls over.
With the group back in high spirits Dave gives a rousing speech to the group, mimicking Steven Gerrard's speech last season, and declares "We don't let it slip", seconds later he duly falls over.
STOP 15 - MILTON KEYNES COLLEGE
Transport method - Walk
Venue - Chiquitos, Central Milton Keynes
Another change to the original itinerary. A good spot by Prent means we can pop next door to Chiquitos and tick off MK College rather than a lengthy walk to a pub in Bletchley later on.
Dave's rousing speech proves as effective as Steven Gerrard's was as the Pub Crawl claims it's first victim at stop 14.
Despite never having met him before no-one is more pleased to see Rikki than Jabs, as he views Rikki's arrival as the perfect opportunity to leave the pub crawl. Forming a bald bond with the newcomer he calls Rikki his substitute and leaves for home.
STOP 16 - INTU MILTON KEYNES
Transport method - Walk
Venue - Caffe Italia, Cantral Milton Keynes
The stops are coming thick and fast now as we take short walk up to the 'new bit'. We mingle with shoppers and try to not get mistaken for Hollister models as we pile into Caffe Italia for some bottles of Italian Beer.
We are surprised to hear the barmaid tell us they only have 2 bottles of Peroni left, when even having been drinking since 8am we can count at least 20 in the fridge.
Transport method - Walk
Transport method - Walk
Transport method - Walk
Transport method - Walk
We are surprised to hear the barmaid tell us they only have 2 bottles of Peroni left, when even having been drinking since 8am we can count at least 20 in the fridge.
STOP 17 - CONCRETE COWS
Venue - Intu MK
Whoever had the idea of putting Concrete Cows in the shopping centre we salute you. Instead of a lengthy trip to Bradwell Abbey we have a much more convenient stop in Central Milton Keynes. We were turned away from our first choice of drinking establishment (Pizza Hut), surprisingly not because we had been drinking for several hours, but because they were not allowed to serve alcohol without a meal.
With the group planning an alternative venue a saviour came to our aid. Fosters were running a promotion and giving away free beers. Was this a mirage caused by excessive alcohol consumption? No, it really was free beer, albeit you would be hard pushed to find a smaller can and the alcohol content was equivalent to that of a can of 80's shandy Top Deck. Still free beer is free beer and not to be sniffed at.
With the group planning an alternative venue a saviour came to our aid. Fosters were running a promotion and giving away free beers. Was this a mirage caused by excessive alcohol consumption? No, it really was free beer, albeit you would be hard pushed to find a smaller can and the alcohol content was equivalent to that of a can of 80's shandy Top Deck. Still free beer is free beer and not to be sniffed at.
STOP 18 - CENTRE MK
Venue - Carluccio's
We remain in the shopping centre for the next stop. Unlike Pizza Hut, Caluccio's don't seem to care that we are not eating. With Mobile Phone batteries dying, we take advantage of a handily placed plug socket to charge a phone.
Again we encounter more bizarre actions from a barmaid when she spends 10mins finding us a table, before sitting us down on the table in front of us all along, which had exactly the right number of chairs set out
We are flying through the stops now and the group are now counting down to number 26.
Again we encounter more bizarre actions from a barmaid when she spends 10mins finding us a table, before sitting us down on the table in front of us all along, which had exactly the right number of chairs set out
We are flying through the stops now and the group are now counting down to number 26.
STOP 19 - AIRKIX INDOOR SKYDIVING
Transport method - Walk
Venue - Moon Under the Water, Central Milton Keynes
First of 3 stops in the Xscape building as we head to our second Wetherspoons of the pub crawl. A welcome addition as the cheap beer only makes a minor dent in the kitty. Ironically even after 19 beers we are far from the most drunk in the establishment.
STOP 20 - SNOZONE
Transport method - Walk
Venue - Snobar, Central Milton Keynes
Snobar provides the most amusing photo opportunity of the day and Prent goes into sales mode as he tries to cut a deal with the barman on some drinks at reduced prices.
Prent achieves a mammoth 0% discount on some shots which are duly necked as we move on to stop 21.
Transport method - Walk
Prent achieves a mammoth 0% discount on some shots which are duly necked as we move on to stop 21.
STOP 21 - XSCAPE
Transport method - Walk
Venue - La Tasca, Central Milton Keynes
We head to La Tasca for the last of the stops in the Xscape building. It is here that the group size is slashed as Prent is to return home after a debate with Mrs Prentice on whether Greece should exit the EU. The youngsters depart with him after a respectable innings. Their time will come to complete a full 26 stops, although when that time comes we would advise taking a bit more money with them.
For the remaining 3, the pub crawl continues.
Transport method - Walk
Thank god for the MK Campus of the University of Bedfordshire. Who knows what time we would have had to start, had we have needed to drive to Bedfordshire.
This stop signalled the end of the run of stops in Central Milton Keynes, it's off to Bletchley for the final leg.
A taxi driver attempts to delay us by deciding he didn't like the look of us and refuse our fare giving us the less than convincing excuse that he had driven to the wrong place and needed to be at All Bar One.
This excuse may have been more believable had his car not had the exact same number plate as the one in the text message I had received on my phone when I ordered the cab.
Undeterred a second taxi is called and we are on our way.
Transport method - Taxi
Our quickest stop so far. Having missed this one out earlier, we decide to tag it onto the last leg. But with our next stop being a hefty walk away we decide to neck a shot and go back into the taxi that is waiting for us outside.
The taxi driver needed some convincing to wait for us as we go into the pub down a shot of JD and lave the pub, 1 minute after arriving. The group are relived to see the taxi driver still waiting so off we go to the next stop.
Transport method - Taxi
STOP 22 - UNIVERSITY OF BEDFORDSHIRE
Transport method - Walk
Venue - The Barn
This stop signalled the end of the run of stops in Central Milton Keynes, it's off to Bletchley for the final leg.
A taxi driver attempts to delay us by deciding he didn't like the look of us and refuse our fare giving us the less than convincing excuse that he had driven to the wrong place and needed to be at All Bar One.
This excuse may have been more believable had his car not had the exact same number plate as the one in the text message I had received on my phone when I ordered the cab.
Undeterred a second taxi is called and we are on our way.
STOP 23 - FENNY STRATFORD STATION
Transport method - Taxi
Venue - The Red Lion
The taxi driver needed some convincing to wait for us as we go into the pub down a shot of JD and lave the pub, 1 minute after arriving. The group are relived to see the taxi driver still waiting so off we go to the next stop.
STOP 24 - STADIUM MK
Transport method - Taxi
Venue - TGI Fridays
We go to the Stadium MK in search of the bar, but instead find ourselves in an empty function room with a view of the pitch. We find a set of unused beer pumps, ambitiously Rikki tries his luck to pour a pint, but alas there is no more free beer on this pub crawl.
We exit to nearby TGI Fridays and indulge ourselves with a cocktail, safe in the knowledge that we are within sight of the end, with plenty of time to spare.
We exit to nearby TGI Fridays and indulge ourselves with a cocktail, safe in the knowledge that we are within sight of the end, with plenty of time to spare.
STOP 25 - BLETCHLEY PARK
Transport method - Walk
Venue - Bletchley Arms, Bletchley
Bletchley Park was instrumental in ultimately ending the war and it is ironic that we ended up in the Bletchley Arms for this stop, where many a war has started. The original stop was the Enigma Tavern, but having got there we were then confronted by a load of Polish people in fancy dress congregating outside the pub.
On making our way inside we were asked for an entrance fee of £5. I have probably considered paying £5 to leave a pub unharmed before, but never to actually enter the pub, so even a 10min walk to one of the dodgiest pubs in Bletchley was deemed preferable.
This particular stop became even more bizarre when having got to the Bletchley Arms, we walked into what was a 2 year old's birthday party. Yes, a 2 year old's birthday party, still going strong at 10pm in a pub renowned for violence and cokeheads. You gotta love Bletchley.
Transport method - Walk
On making our way inside we were asked for an entrance fee of £5. I have probably considered paying £5 to leave a pub unharmed before, but never to actually enter the pub, so even a 10min walk to one of the dodgiest pubs in Bletchley was deemed preferable.
This particular stop became even more bizarre when having got to the Bletchley Arms, we walked into what was a 2 year old's birthday party. Yes, a 2 year old's birthday party, still going strong at 10pm in a pub renowned for violence and cokeheads. You gotta love Bletchley.
STOP 26 - BLETCHLEY STATION
Transport method - Walk
Venue - The Park, Bletchley
The final stop is the Park in Bletchley. It is a low key finish for such a pilgrimage, but at least it is an improvement on our last visit here. On that occasion we were told we needed a code for the toilet as there was a tendency for scallywags to nip in through the back door and smear shit all over the toilet walls.
There were about 8 people who decided that the Park was where they really wanted to spend their Saturday night, and looking at their interaction, it looked as though some of them would be sharing a bed tonight.
So the prize of completing the first ever MK Monopoly Pub Crawl goes to Dave and Chris. There was no ceremony to cap the feat, although at least they got to remain in the pub, unlike Rikki who they locked out after he went outside to make a phone call.
It's such treatment that drives a man to nip in through the back and smear shit all over the toilet walls.
There were about 8 people who decided that the Park was where they really wanted to spend their Saturday night, and looking at their interaction, it looked as though some of them would be sharing a bed tonight.
So the prize of completing the first ever MK Monopoly Pub Crawl goes to Dave and Chris. There was no ceremony to cap the feat, although at least they got to remain in the pub, unlike Rikki who they locked out after he went outside to make a phone call.
It's such treatment that drives a man to nip in through the back and smear shit all over the toilet walls.
